I desire to love, and I desire to love hard. I believe many of us desire such. I believe women were created to love to some of the highest extremes. I also believe we were created to love with boundaries. I know you’re probably thinking to yourself, “she just said the most contridicting statement ever in those last two sentences. How can we be created to love to varying extremes but love with boundaries too?” By the time you finish reading this, you’ll understand what I mean. In truth, many of us desperately desire to be in a fairy tale love story much like those we see and hear about in fictional stories and occasionally in real life. If you say you don’t, STOP lying to yourself. We as women want a man to love us and take care of us the way we’ve been taught they should. I know, I know, the “independent” women are saying, “ I DON’T NEED A MAN TO TAKE CARE OF ME.” Yes you do; it may not be financially but in some other way. It’s a reality we have to face. It took me some time to realize it myself. Of course, there are some women who are really okay being single, and that’s fine and well. But for the ones who aren’t okay, you agree with what I’m saying, right? The problem I see that we have is we tend to “love freely.” The first guy to cross our path and show us even the slightest attention, we’re ready to hand him our heart. We’re ready to jump in head first. “Girl he is fine”, “He ain’t never been married”, “He got a nice job”, ect. You know the basics. He fills that fairy tale love story you want so badly. Then as time goes by, you see he has a temper, you may have different religious beliefs, or he`s got a shady background that he never decided to mention. Things start to really evolve, things you aren’t all that okay with. But you’ve told all your friends and family about him. You made things public on social networks. Now you sit and wonder how this happened; how was I so foolish. Now you’re left with a broken heart because you “loved freely”. You gave all your love to this man. This is where the boundaries could’ve prevented some heartache. I’m sure I can speak for many women when saying taking it slow is not something we normally think of until after all the disasters happen, sometimes not even then. I’ve had my heart broken several times. One particular time, it was exactly as I explained. I’d just split up from my ex, and I was so broken and hurt when this new guy happened to come around at the perfect time. He told me everything I wanted to hear, and I believed it; yup, I fell for it. There were red flags, but I still dove in head first. I was done with getting my heart broken, and I just knew he was the one. Well, I convinced myself he was. I thought he was the one because I desperately wanted to believe everything he said. There were things that didn’t make sense, but I didn’t care. I would deal with them later is what I told myself. The attention was there, and that was all I felt I needed. The sexual intimacy blinded every one of the senses I possibly had. That’s until I got pregnant, and all the attention left. All I became good for to him was the sexual pleasures. It’s as if he walked by and I literally handed him my heart, an already broken heart, and he continued on his way. I loved freely, and I got pregnant three months later by a man I never actually knew. I would try to force him to want to be around and spend time, but after months of trying, I realized nothing I did or said would work. True colors began to show themselves, and the harsh thing called life became reality. I finally had to face the hardest thing ever, myself!
I now faced a person I didn’t know in facing myself. I was 24-years-old with a second child on the way, another child out of wedlock. I was going to have two children by two different guys. I felt so ashamed and unworthy. I was in my career field living on my own. I had only just recently begun to stand on my own two feet, and suddenly I have to start all over. I wanted badly for this to be a dream. I was depressed as I tried to figure out how I was going to get through this, let alone tell people. I felt I let everyone down; what would they think of me now? The truth was out that the woman I tried so hard to be failed. I was striving to live for Christ, and I was honestly striving to live the “right” way. But then this disaster happened. How would anyone be able to hear from me now? How would the people who looked up to me feel? Deep hatred began to fill my heart. I was still in denial, asking God is this real? I didn’t want to have a baby. I silently wished I’d have a miscarriage. For me, abortion wasn’t an option. I knew I wouldn’t be able to live with myself. Why am I here, alone, pregnant? Why am I pregnant by a man that I don’t even know, and why has he abandoned me? These were are all the questions I constantly overwhelmed myself with. I knew I couldn’t blame God for what had happened, but I did want God to take it all away and fix it. Little did I know, he was doing just that. Through this ongoing battle I had with myself, I realized my life was changing for the better just in a very uncomfortable way. I was 24 finally figuring out who I was and who I wanted to be. Many of us feel we know who we are and what we want in life until life hits us with a ton of bricks and we’re actually forced to face it. When we’re ready to face it and face it wholeheartedly, without trying to suppress it and hide it like we normally do, that’s when life slowly starts to become clear. I slowly started seeing the inner demons I never dealt with, and that’s given me the chance to take a new approach to the very things that kept knocking me down. If I didn’t learn anything else, I learned that when you “love freely”, you pay a higher interest rate, one that seems pretty unbearable at times. A man can’t cherish your heart if you yourself don’t know how to. Put a price on your love! YOU’RE WORTH IT! DON’T “love freely”!