He held me down with chains of manipulation, counterfeit happiness that was actually an abyss of real heartache and pain. But God exposes the ruler of darkness by breaking those ensnaring chains. I’ve been set free by the almighty King, and he’s the only antidote able to set captives free.
You like doing what you used to do in days passed. I see what the problem is; the veil of deception has you trapped in a dimension in which I was once trapped. It’s inconceivable to physically see; it’s a spiritual battle that wages against you and me. The person behind it all is playing tricks on you, just like he used to trick me. His schemes, plots and ploys have distorted your sight. This is why you can’t allow any positive thinking to invigorate you inside.
You won’t let others change, and it’s because it’s a reflection of how he has made you view yourself inwardly. Your mind is stuck on listening to society’s echoing screams, “Change! You are unworthy of such a thing.” Society . . . yes. That’s his greatest manipulation tool. He’s even using some Christians to play you for the fool.
“Change! Ha! That’s not possible,” says the voice of lies. It says, “Have you looked at your past, it’s too LIFELESS TO BE REVIVED.” It’s not just you; there are a lot of people who are disintegrating, and they’re slowly dying inside believing such lies. Loud voices say you aren’t good enough because of your upbringing, skin tone and addictions you hide. He taunts you about what you’ve been through in your life. “Molested? Yea, don’t tell anyone; that’s dark and you’ll be judged. As if the inner torment from the lies wasn’t enough. I’m here to tell you, even through the times you’d rather die, My God can defeat the devil and says you’re beautiful inside. HIS WHISPERS REPEAT, “NO MATTER WHAT . . . YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL INSIDE.”
“The filth and unpleasant things you’ve done and been through can be washed off and healed just follow me and ignore the devil who hopes to kill you.” I had to make a decision to get up and RISE . . . past shames are being cleansed inside out by the grace I found in Jesus Christ. He said, “Rise up out of that pit of mess. I have so much more to give you, and it’s not counterfeit. Get up and RISE, and put me to the test. I won’t fail you; I have a track record of unbroken promises.
My conscience lives, and he’s always told me to stop chasing these cheap thrills . . . late nights and early mornings with guys I only wanted physically. I spent night after night with men, some I knew and some I was merely acquainted. There came a time when it truly started to wear on me. Love? No, I didn’t want that until my lustful thoughts and actions were no longer fulfilling to the ever growing void I never recognized I had. I didn’t understand why my soul grew more and more dry and brittle. You know, in church they preach that you should say no to sex before marriage, but the why is never explained. They tell you not to do it, and they act as if they don’t themselves. As damaging as it is, no one ever thinks to grab you by the hand to illustrate the emotional suicide.
I’m going to tell you a story in which I had the leading role. It’s started with my boyfriend at thirteen. He was all I wanted. We dated for a year, and I just knew he would be the one I’d spend the rest of my life with. I was madly in love, and no one could tell me differently. We finally took the step I thought was needed. In no time, he left me for this blonde thing whom I thought was my friend; she lived down the street from me. The heartbreak was indescribable, and most people would say, “You’re thirteen, and you don’t know love at thirteen. You’ll be okay.” It was more than that, and I hold true to that to this day. After that, I began to view having sex as the norm. My parents didn’t know; I think perhaps they were naive. I had six partners by the time I was sixteen. That number skyrocketed as I made my way through college, but that’s when I rewired my mind to function like the guys. Let’s do it, no strings attached . . . that’s until there were situations in which I thought our night caps could become more. I would picture life with some of them, even though there was no substance. It was normally just based on a sexual high. The sexual high that clouds your mind from seeing anything clear is what makes you think you’re in love. Even if you no your love interest is a jerk. You lose your mind when you see him converse with someone who could potentially be the next you. It doesn’t help matters when you know he’s not officially yours.
It gets tricky when you spend time with the person outside of the bedroom. You begin to think it’s something more than just friends with benefits. You are certain it’s more than that. He tells you nice things and does things for you too. In your mind, you’re saying he wouldn’t do these things if he didn’t feel something too. Sad to say, he’s still in the mind frame of just smashing you. It’s rare that friends with benefits becomes more. It got to the point that my body wanted certain people in certain ways that once it was fulfilled, I just laid there in a daze feeling disgusted and torn. It was just cheap thrills and dry bones, but there had to be more to life.
I told myself that something had to change. One day in church, when someone spoke of dry bones, they were the perfect words to describe how I felt back then. He said, “I’m going to put breath in you, and make you live again (Ezekiel 37:5).” The love I yearned for wasn’t from a man and his sexual pleasures; it was God who waited patiently for me to wake up and see there is more to life than cheap thrills and dry bones. He held on to me for this long so very tightly. You may be in something similar. You can get through it; he’s just waiting for your hand.
Look at her wear that crown; she wears it high with pride. No, it didn’t come easily. She was once lost and broken inside. Her heart has been trampled all over; it’s been ripped completely out of her chest. Even worst, it was left untreated to the point where she was near death. Different men told her they loved her, but they always left. Understand, they never left right away. They took their time with putting her through pain and watching her decay. They explored her intelligence for their own self-gain; some didn’t do it purposely. They just didn’t know how to protect and cherish her royal name. They took her body . . . pleasing her in ways beyond belief, but that’s all they wanted, never taking time to delve deep. Intellectually and physically, she’d float on cloud nine until she was left for the umpteenth time. Every time she’d meet someone new, she’d say, “This is the one God. I know he’s given from you.” Desperate for love, falling quick and so fast, she fell for his charm putting her sense of worth last. She endured more heartache and repeated pain thinking she was the problem, so she kept the blame. Men have abused her and continued to use her. She settled for the guys who showed their interest, but they had no intended commitment. After a while, they wouldn’t pursue her; she was the pursuer. She did everything in her power to make them stay, settling for things she once thought she never would. She overlooked the bad qualities focused on the good, blind to the fact there were more bad than good. When they would say, “Let’s take it slow,” it made her feel all warm inside. But what it meant to them was, “I want all you have to offer, but we will not have any public ties.” One day this Queen woke up and realized, she was tired of the same ole games and lies. She looked in the mirror with a torn and unrecognizable heart, she vowed, “I will play the Queen of Hearts.” She said, “I don’t feel like royalty, but I was told I am, so I’m going to walk in my God given name. You know, the Queen he said I am. I have to take back all I’ve lost. I’m the Queen of my heart, and I’ve left my throne unattended and my crown in the dust.” Queens, you must learn to play your part. There will be days you don’t feel like you deserve such a prestigious name because you may think less of yourself for various reasons. But listen my Queens, when you’re born into royalty, the blood runs through your veins. There’s nothing you can do to change that. So put your crown on, and sit high upon that throne. Guard your heart so no one else can taint and strip away all that you own. It’s precious and sacred; it’s what you need to live for the rest of your days. You are the Queen of your Heart. I’m begging you to take control and be the Queen you were born to be from the start.
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She was in her own world; one in which she dreamed big and enjoyed life without many cares. Onlookers described her as wild and free. While her friends sought to be loved, she sought to love herself. “Boys, what can they do for me?” she repeated often. Time passed, and she began to grow up and desire the very love she vowed she didn’t need. She wanted her happily ever after, fairy tale love. She reasoned, “That’s what I’ve seen on TV; it’s what everyone else wants, so it must be real.” Soon she happens upon an attractive young man who expresses how taken he is by her beauty. He makes her speechless, so she can’t help but to let him in. With ease, she falls deeply for this man who shows nothing but attention. In time, he orchestrates a night of passion, initiated by sweet words in her ear of how dear she is to him and how he wants to marry her. He omits the fact that he wasn’t planning to stick around. Days and weeks pass, and their interactions lessen. After a couple more nightcaps, she craves the attention he gave in the beginning, but he announces that he’s found someone new, so she should move on. Depressed and broken with nowhere to turn, she’s now facing the big love day alone.
While some celebrate Valentine’s Day with a significant other, all googly eyed and in a daze, others endure painful memories of a love they thought would stay. Yearning for that companion, rekindling what has passed is all they seek. The dejected lover only ends up alone, or in a place where smiles and laughter fill his/her news feed but the death of their love story becomes more real and painful. The pain one faces isn’t always something the world get to see; some do very well at putting on a facade. For this reason, I say take someone by the hand, and let them know they aren’t alone by simply showing a gesture that reminds them that hope for love is not completely gone. The pain one endures could be healed by just a moment of your time, so don’t miss out on the blessing that you can provide. Choose to love others on a day such as this and others like it.
She stops to take a look at herself in the mirror. This moment is different from all the rest. It’s not about making sure her hair is straight or her hips look good in her dress. It’s a moment she takes to look herself in the eyes. As she stands there, her sight becomes blurred, and tears begin to stream down her face. For the first time in years, she’s taken time for something she’s avoided for so very long. She’s recognizing the hidden scars she’s acquired from self-inflicted pain and other forms of abuse. She stands there in a daze trying to get herself together, attempting to recreate her superficial appearance – the only side of her people know. She stands there faced with the sorrow of her soul. She was ready to walk out the door, a night similar to the rest, all dolled up looking her best. A pretty woman, she flaunts a natural beauty and a body that turns heads. Men and women chase after her with sexual thoughts and cravings which only lead to the bed. Intelligence is something she possesses, but she’s to worried about pleasing others by her fleshly poses. Gaining the attention of others comes easy, that’s what she lives for. Not realizing that’s why she’s still empty on the inside of her core. Everyone seems to think she’s got it all, but many don’t realize she’s as fragile as a glass doll. The hidden scars she’s covered up for so long, never allowing them to heal from within. Jumping from guy to guy and sometimes even girls, she’s on a people binge. She hates being alone. She’s looking for a love that many fail to realize isn’t real. Trying to cure the pain with things that only make it worse … late night dancing and sexual romancing. It makes it all go away for only a moment. It’s on to the next to cover up the last. It felt so good in the moments that just passed. Playing it cool as if she’s got it under control, but it hits her every time when they get dressed and roll. Left there bare, no clothes on, the last one told her he loved her but not enough to leave his wife. Facing all these thoughts as she’s looking in the mirror, the pain is getting deeper and deeper; it’s starting to strangle her. Reaching for anything in arms length, not realizing that’s the very thing that has brought her to this state. She’s blue in the face fighting hard to catch her breath, but the air that surrounds her is toxic and leads to death. In these moments, her life flashes before her eyes. She’s realizing that if she continues down this path, she’ll experience an internal demise. She’s trying to live the external life, the life many want to live. Wanting to be noticed is the norm, but many do it in a way that brings lasting harm. It’s so enticing; it pulls us in, until we realize it’s nothing more than an illusion that damages within. She’s so tired of being who she’s not. Attention from others gets old when you realize you’re actually alone. Hidden scars, we all have them. Covering them up will make you die too; it’s only a matter of time before those evil demons start to confront you.